Sunday, February 04, 2007

I hate being a pastor.

It's true. Not every day. Not most days. But every now and then, I have days when I hate being a pastor.

I hate dealing with messy situations that I didn't create but I'm asked to resolve. I hate cleaning up my own messes created by my insensitivity or hyper-sensitivity. I hate running into people who think I've got it more together than I really do. I hate feeling the pressure to live an unbalanced life, to do things and be places I'd rather avoid, and to have the right answer for other people all the time.

Perhaps hate is too strong of a word. Today was just a tough day for me. I found myself battling emotions I haven't experienced in a long time. I found myself regretting the way I handled situations. I found myself snapping at people who don't deserve that kind of treatment (does any of us, really?). I found myself wanting to withdraw and avoid and ignore and diss.

Maybe I'm on edge because my mom gets to hear some test results Monday. She'll learn if the combo of chemo and prayer have done their work in overcoming her lymphoma cancer. I'm down here in Turlock to be with her when she gets the results in the morning. I guess I'm a bit nervous at what the doctor will say. And part of me -- the Pentecostal-Charismatic-Spiritfilled part of me -- feels some level of shame that I'm nervous.

Tonight I feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed and hyperwhelmed and angerwhelmed. I know those last two aren't really words, but I can't find the right words to explain what I'm feeling and experiencing and sensing.

I treated one of my student leaders poorly today. He and I spoke earlier, and I apologized. That felt good, to get it off my chest. We need to talk in greater depth this week, but the pastor in me wonders what I should share. When do I take off the "pastor" hat and become "Christ-follower"? Why do I feel this pressure to be more "complete" or "finished" simply because I'm a pastor? Sometimes showing my weaknesses allows me to draw closer to the people around me. And sometimes those revelations seem to become fodder and ammo in the hands of others.

Today is one of those days I hate being a pastor.

9 comments:

YouthGuyEvan said...

Feel ya, prayin' for ya... peace...

EM

theDAve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
theDAve said...

You should kill, ok "do away with", Evil Rob. P-Rob is better. Or just Landlord would do. You could always just scare Mike, That make me feel better. Oh and did you just use the word "diss" thats like so 90's. Thats ok I got called on using the word "Rad" during out youth class hour last sunday morning.

Mike Nelson (Benvenuti) said...

Hi Pastor...

What I would like to say is that analizing and doing a little bit of inward reflecting does us all some good, however, what is needed here is some good old fashioned PRAISE! You are one of a kind in the world of my son, and he has a strong love and admiration for you because you wear all of the aforementioned hats... We continue to pray for your Mom and all of your family Rob-- Thank you for your constant service to God, and for your leadership to these beautiful kids under your "wings". Blessings, Mike

Anonymous said...

maybe narcissistic tendencies may disqualify you from serving in such a capacity

Anonymous said...

sounds like you need to suck it up pansy. you really had a tough day, huh? thats a load of bull ****. If you hate yer job, then find another one like the rest of the world, sissy.

Todd said...

I grew up a PK. My parents were hurt and I was burned. I loved God, not people. Even after I worked through some issues, I didn't want to go into ministry, but I believed that God was leading me in that direction. I found some good churches and believed that there was hope. I was a college/youth pastor for the last six and a half years. Then my pastor asked me to step down. We spoke for about an hour but I never really knew "why" he was letting me go, or if he even was...He never actually said the words.

I just Googled "why I hate being a pastor" and I got your blog. I know that this was just a "once in a while" statement for you. Like you said, you like your job more than not. Everyone, even pastors, have cruddy days and should be able to be vocal about it.

I don't want to be a pastor ever again. Although everyone thinks we're scamming our members, we get paid next to nothing and the eternity of our people are on our shoulders day and night. Our family suffers because working less than 50 hours a week means that you are uncommitted and are not passionate about your ministry.

I know this was a post from last year, I just wanted to give my two cents.

God bless.

Anonymous said...

I was a youth pastor and worship/associate pastor for a while too....It has almost ruined me. People are so cruel, and it has hurt my faith in that every other group of people I'm involved with...IE work, karate class...etc....they treat me better and more "biblically" than the people at church. It is so wrong...I almost went crazy and had to go on medicine. God is good, people...well...are not. I just don't know why God didn't give me the peace I prayed for during the storm.

Anonymous said...

One person said that you should find another job if you hate being a Pastor, what he doens't realize is that many pastors have regular jobs in addition to their pastorial charge!!!! I'm such a Pastor and I feel ya!!! Not all pastors have absorbant salaries and drive expensive cars - I have a 96 Mini-Van held together by block seal! It's not about the money -Its a duty and call - and just like the military - you may not like it at the particuar time, but you have to do it - duty dictates it!